The Day Henry Was Born

Hi!

So, our Henry is now 16 weeks old and I'm just finding the time to sit down and write about the day he was born! This is totally for my benefit as I just never ever want to forget it - it was one of the best days of my entire life! Henry was born just before lunch time on Tuesday 22nd October via planned caesarian. He weighed 10lb 7oz and we found out he was a boy when he arrived after 9 months of thinking he was probably a girl! This is kinda a birth story, but more just about the day itself as it was such a great day.

After Matilda's birth, sadly a very negative experience, I wanted to have a planned c-section from the moment I knew I was pregnant. I don't think this is the easy way to give birth as the recovery afterwards is not ideal with a toddler at home and limited mobility, but I knew it was right for me and after changing hospitals and meeting the right consultants and doctors who really listened to me, I had my date booked in. It wasn't long before October came around and we prepared to meet our baby, I packed my hospital bag and my mum came up to stay for a week to help out during that final stretch. I kept dreading going into labour early as I wanted the birth to be calm, planned and controlled - everything Matilda's birth wasn't.


The day before my C-section, I felt really emotional. I took Matilda swimming and felt sad that I wouldn't be able to take her whenever I wanted anymore and we normally swim a couple of times a week. Later, I kept crying as she ate her yoghurt after dinner. I looked at her and felt like things would never be the same again. I cried a lot after I put her to bed, and then I went to bed for an early night. We had to be up really early the next day as we had to be at the hospital for about 7am. I said goodbye to mum and Matilda, then Thor and I got in the car and drove to the hospital. (Sadly, in all the excitement we forgot about the congestion charges and we racked up about 6 fines while I was in hospital! Ooops!) My brother met us at the hospital for a little bit of moral support which was amazing and he's so funny that I felt the mood was really light hearted and I was much less nervous.

We went up to the ward and we waited to find out which order we'd be in. I think we were the second as there were only 3 women waiting for a c-section that day and the lady before me was VERY anxious so she was first, bless her! I was feeling ok....ish! Obviously a bit nervous in case things went wrong, but I had a really good chat with the midwife, the surgeons, and the anaesthetists - it really helped me to make sure that they knew exactly why I was worried after my previous experience but they were all so calm and chilled that I knew I was in good hands. God bless our NHS.

We started watching Pitch Perfect. I love that film and I was so impressed that Thor had downloaded it as I couldn't focus on my book.  I was in my hospital gown and compression stockings and Thor in scrubs. The hospital had a tea room which looked out on the houses of parliament and faced the river so we had a little wander down there and I went for a wee about 7000 times. And then the midwife came down and said it was our turn and my heart was racing! I remember she said we should walk up the stairs as the lifts take ages and I was chatting to her about where she lives, what hours she works and she told me she had four kids - she also had a girl called Matilda! I had some lavender oil on a hanky and a little crystal angel that was my dad's and Thor kept these safe for me in the theatre. The lavender oil helped me to feel calm and relaxed and I often diffuse it in my room when I'm falling asleep. When we walked in to theatre, it all seemed very real suddenly and we both felt very emotional. One of the surgical team asked us to put our hair nets on and made us pose for photos on the hospital bed. He was really funny and he got our playlist all hooked up to the speakers so we could listen to our favourite music during the operation. The hospital advised this during our pre-op as the lovely midwife explained it's nice for baby to hear the music they will have listened to in the womb. Putting together that playlist had been really hard as I didn't want anything that was going to distract the surgeon!! I also remember worrying they might judge me for my music taste!! Ha! I think I expected it to all feel quite scary but it all happened really gradually, one by one different people came into the room while I was having a spinal block (probably my least favourite part of the whole thing - it didn't hurt but it felt strange and took ages!) and then before I knew it, I was lying down and they were tipping me about to ensure the block took hold where it needed to. The surgeon then ensured that we knew everyone's name and role in the room, and they lifted a little screen and started the op. I didn't feel anything at all really..... I lay there chatting with the anaesthetist about how she was pregnant too and where she lived, where she wanted to give birth.... and I felt totally calm. I think I even said at one point how lovely it all was! When they came to the bit where Henry was coming out, I felt a little pulling and tugging and then weirdly, I felt his feet moving away from my ribcage, and the release of his body from mine! I remember the song on my playlist was "Adele - one and only' at that moment. I love that song.

They lowered the screen just a little to show me him and I immediately saw that he was a boy!! I think Thorsten said it too - a boy! We looked at each other and I said 'It's Henry!" as that was the name we'd agreed for a boy only a couple of weeks before he was born. Thor was crying, I was crying, and Henry started crying too and I remember feeling surprised by the look of relief on Thorsten's face and realised how relieved I was too!! We delayed cord clamping for a minute, and then Thorsten was asked if he'd like to cut the cord which he did. I think they may have done some checks on him quickly but then Henry was brought to me immediately and they popped him down the front of my hospital gown against my chest. He was screaming and his little mouth all screwed up, he looked so funny and purple and squishy. I kissed him about a thousand times whilst crying and talking to him and upon hearing my voice, he was calm. His little hands were so perfect. The surgical team were taking bets on his weight, everyone agreed he was a whopper. I said 10lbs but everyone was saying 9lbs something. The midwife apologetically took him away for a moment to weigh him and do his vitamin K shot,  and they announced he was 10lbs 7oz!! His head circumference was 39.5cm! They brought him back to me again and I was so relieved because the hardest part for me mentally was the part after the baby was born. With Matilda, she was a forceps delivery and we thought everything was fine but my body wasn't actually fine and it all got very scary very quickly. This time, however, there was no drama at all - the surgeon was soon telling me how she was just finishing up and we'd be taken to the ward to recover. They put a red bobble hat on Henry as he was such a big baby and it notified whoever was checking on us that he needed some additional tests and checks. Poor fella had his heal pricked all the time in that first 24 hours.

Up on the ward, after people kept congratulating us on the trolley as we were wheeled through, Henry had his first feed and Thorsten took lots of pictures of us all snuggled up. After an hour or so, we decided to dress him so he wouldn't get cold. It was a lovely sunny day, the perfect sunny october day. The first outfit we tried on him, a gender neutral newborn outfit.... didn't fit. So he went into a 0-3 sleepsuit immediately, one of Matilda's. We called the family and my mum, Matilda, brother, sister and niece started to make their way over to visit us. We were in high dependency so visiting hours weren't restricted - I'm still not quite sure why we were there, the midwife said the ward was too busy for us but I had previously been in HDU with Matilda and I suspected they wanted to keep an extra eye on us which was absolutely fine by me. I was just grateful when they said I could eat a sandwich as I was starving! I couldn't take my eyes off Henry but I desperately wanted to see Matilda and give her her giant Peppa house from her little brother. When they arrived, Matilda and my mum came in and met Henry - I think Matilda was a little shocked, but she said hello to him, held him for a little while, and mainly just wanted to see and play with her new toy! She sat with me on the bed, and she made us all laugh by looking at Henry with deep concern and saying 'But look, daddy, he doesn't have any hands!' as they were tucked in his sleep suit. My brother and sister came in too for a cuddle, and I just lay there, still numb from the spinal, thinking how lucky I was to have all my family around me. I wished my dad was there too - but I took a photo of my brother stood with his arm around my mum with Henry in her arms and it reminded me of the same photo I have of my dad when Matilda was born. Oh how he'd have loved Henry. It's so bizarre how the day I sat with my dad as he passed away, and the day Henry was born are just 10ish months apart. I'm always sure that Dad was with me that day, watching over us. The weather was just too good, the sun was shining just a bit too brightly for a normal autumn day. I kept his angel with me the whole time.

That night, Thorsten went home to help put Matilda to bed and make sure it all felt normal for her, and then he came back to the hospital to kiss me and Henry goodnight and he brought a picnic with him in case I was hungry. He stayed with me until 9pm, changed Henry for bed and waited until he'd had a big feed before putting him in his crib. I was propped up with pillows and my ipad, kindle and snacks and I wondered how much I'd sleep as the ward was so noisy with snoring husbands and crying babies. I slept very little, and mainly just stared at Henry who slept a solid 7 hours before waking for a feed and a nappy change. The midwife lifted him up and gave him to me to feed and we fell asleep with him on my chest until 5.45am. At 6am, they made me get up out of bed and took my catheter out. The pain in my wound was so incredible, I immediately panicked silently about how the hell I was going to cope if I felt this awful. I asked for more pain relief and was grateful when Thor arrived at 7am. That day, I waited for the doctor to discharge us (this took ages and we didn't leave the hospital until about 5.30pm which meant I missed seeing Matilda for bedtime and this broke my heart!) All day, I lay down, only moving to go to the toilet, and struggled with the pain in my wound when moving around, but as soon as they said we could go home, got myself dressed in lightening time and was packed and ready to go!

The early days at home were blissful and very tearful. We got lots of flowers and cards, I rested all the time, constantly, and cried for the most part about silly small things. Henry's hands. Matilda. My dad. Baby blues in full swing. I remember feeling the same when Matilda was born and being so confused ('I've just had a baby, i'm supposed to be HAPPY!!' - I was much more forgiving second time round as I knew it was just my hormones making a huge adjustment from being pregnant to making milk) My milk came in on day 2 and by day 5, I was over the worst of the blues and starting to feel less tearful. With Thor off work for 3 weeks, I did very little - mostly sitting, cuddling, reading books and drinking tea. My mum then arrived for 2 weeks in London with us and I started to walk more and more - enjoying being out and feeling stronger. We then all went to the Isle of Wight and I stayed there for two weeks by the sea with both babies. All in all, those 7 weeks of recovery were the best and flew by so quickly. I co-slept with Henry, wore him all day, breastfed round the clock and just enjoyed being a new mum again. Back to London and the first day on my own, I felt really calm and ready to handle whatever was thrown at me and touch wood, it's all been ok with just the occasional dodgy day in between! I am so grateful for all the support and love i've had and how much it has afforded me the chance to enjoy my little boy gracing this world with his presence. I absolutely love thinking about Henry's birth - it was such a wonderful experience and I couldn't be more grateful to our NHS for delivering him safely. It was so healing for me to have that positive experience after such a scary experience first time around. Truthfully, I don't think i'd really ever dealt with Matilda's birth and how much it affected me - I just acted like i was fine so I didn't feel like such a failure! My fear, even now, is that people will think less of me if I'm not perceived to be 'coping' with stuff and that's something I've decided to face up to in 2020 and work on. I found talking about my birth with a midwife and going over my hospital notes while I was pregnant, was quite helpful. As it worked out, his birth was everything I wanted it to be and more and finding out he was a little boy on the day was simply magical - an absolutely amazing surprise.

And now he's 4 months old, exclusively breastfed, 20lbs, loves being awake in the middle of the night... and is the happiest, most content baby. He's settled so well into our family and we just love him so much. He's definitely the final piece of our family puzzle and i'm just desperate to enjoy every single moment of it!

Baby Two: The Story So Far

29 Week Bump! 

Hello!

It's been an awfully long time since I last dipped my toe into the Blogger-sphere but recently have been feeling like it would be nice to get back to writing down what's going on as I actually like reading it back later on - a bit like a diary. Lately I've been reading back some posts on Instagram from when I was pregnant with Matilda, and then how I was feeling when she was newborn - such a nice way to remember what was going on at the time. So here I am! 29 weeks pregnant with our second baby, due late October and home from my latest test - the Glucose Tolerance Test. So cruel making a pregnant woman skip breakfast but hey ho. I made up for it by tucking into an enormous brunch when I got home! They found some increased glucose levels in my 28 week blood tests so I had to go and get tested. I feel like I've never spent so much time at the hospital as I have with this pregnancy - between discovering a low lying placenta at my 20 week scan (which has now apparently moved up!), baby's kidneys looking a little too prominent in one scan and requiring some follow up appointments (thankfully all fine) and now i'm being testing for Gestational Diabetes, as well as being under consultant care for the size of the baby and requiring additional regular growth scans! Matilda was 9lb 9oz (ouch ouch ouch) so I'm not surprised to discover that this baby seems to be tracking the same path for birth weight. In addition to all of that, we are currently being seen regularly by the Birth Options team because I had such a difficult birth first time around. I'm hoping to have an elective section this time around but more about that later in this post!  

So as you can tell, the last 7 months have been full of trips back and forth to the hospital and I'm just relieved that so far everything is looking good and healthy. I'm so much less prepared for this baby than I was for Matilda's arrival - during which I had everything done YESTERDAY. I have sourced a Next2Me Chicco crib for £30 which just needs a new mattress (in case you didn't know, the lullaby trust recommends a new mattress for each new baby in order to reduce the risk of SIDS - even if the first baby to use it was their older sibling!), a Sleepyhead Deluxe for £35 and thankfully I still have Matilda's Ergobaby carrier. I sold almost everything Matilda had as, in our little London apartment, we have precisely ZERO storage for things we don't use regularly. One thing I did learn this time was to buy most things second hand as I sold all of the things I had before in absolutely immaculate condition so I know that there are barely used baby items out there for a fraction of the price of buying new. I also discovered, you can totally remove the cover of the Chicco Next2Me Crib and stick it in the washing machine so our crib is as good as new. Top tip! I must write a blog post soon detailing my 'Newborn Essentials' - if nothing else it'll be good for my own memory as much as anything. Within the next 4-6 weeks, I'll also be packing my hospital bag as we are off to a wedding in the Midlands when I'm 35 weeks pregnant so I'll need to have that sorted in case too much dancing triggers an early arrival! (I'm only semi-joking - those of you who have seen me and Thor strutting our stuff on the dance floor know that's entirely possible!!)

I found out I was expecting about a week or less before Matilda turned two and then unfortunately shortly after morning sickness kicked in for a good 4 months and only started to really clear up around the 18 week mark when I was on holiday! I can't lie, with my mum being so far away and Thorsten working very long hours, it was incredibly tough. I did pack up my stuff and go stay with my mum during the worst times, but I would be lying if I said that getting out of bed every morning was easy. I just felt rough around the clock, and believe me when I say that soft play is the last place you want to be when you feel as though you drank 3 bottles of prosecco last night (with unfortunately none of the buzz of actually having done that!!) I think even when morning sickness subsided, what I never truly appreciated in my first pregnancy was how much more I rested. Sitting at a desk for most of the day was so much better for my hips and pelvis than being a stay home mum - although at work, I didn't get the opportunity to take a lunch time nap so I guess swings and roundabouts on that front! Speaking of my hips and pelvis, I have been referred to a physio about my SPD although I'm told I won't actually see them until I'm just a few weeks away from giving birth. Ha! 

I've got a huge bump - like huge huge huge. And i'm very happy about it. I feel really comfortable in my own skin and confident in my body - I don't have even half as many hang ups about my body as I did before having children. I just feel really lucky to be pregnant, as I know it's not always that straightforward and I have lived through the pain of seeing close friends struggle with fertility. It's hard to be really critical about your body when it has created LIFE! I think a big contributing factor to feeling so good is that I bought myself some beautiful clothes this pregnancy - spent my money wisely on a few lovely items which I can wash and wear over and over which make me feel really great about my changing shape. I think the key is just to embrace everything getting wider and rounder and to dress accordingly. I mainly shopped online at Seraphine (pricey but lovely), Mamalicious, New Look Maternity, Jojo Maman Bebe, H&M Mama & recently was sent some stunning bits and bobs from Isabella Oliver which are both pregnancy & breastfeeding friendly. I have found maternity fashion really exciting this time around - I think with Matilda, I had mainly maternity work wear so it's been lovely to shop for summery maternity clothes. 

I haven't had any real cravings this pregnancy - probably enjoying more sweet stuff than salty, and the need for ice cream is real but whether you can blame the baby for that or the heatwave I don't know! I have been taking my Pregnacare vitamins throughout as well as additional iron supplements (Spatone Liquid, apple flavour! Although can confirm they taste absolutely appalling unless you add them to a huge glass of orange juice!) Heartburn has plagued me on and off but at the moment, baby seems to be in a more comfortable position so I haven't had it for a couple of weeks so actually I'm feeling quite good!

We initially wanted to move house when we found out I was expecting baby 2 - but in the end we have decided to sit tight and see how we feel once baby arrives. Our apartment is two bedrooms and so baby will be in with us for a while anyway, but I think it's good that not too much is changing at once. I think sometimes you can get caught up in wanting what other people have or wishing your life away ('I wish I had a garden', 'I wish we had a bit more space') but actually as soon as I decided that I wasn't happy making such a huge decision whilst pregnant, I have to say I do feel happy exactly where we are. We have the loveliest group of friends here and Matilda has all her little groups and routine which she loves. One day we'll have that garden but for now I really can't complain! That said, we are completely repainting the flat and making some changes before baby arrives - nesting gone mad. We've finished the living room and kitchen and it looks so great - now just need to repaint our bedroom with a fresh coat to brighten it up, strip all the wall paper in the hallway and paint a beautiful shade of off white which I have discovered and am now obsessed with (Valspar - Thousand Shells!) and then we just need to hire a carpet cleaner for all the carpets and I'm hoping to choose some new prints for the wall in our room (but Thor doesn't know about that bit yet!) So this weekend, we have a full day of decorating planned on Saturday and it's starting to all come together. 

So lastly but by no means least, the birth! So from the beginning, I had my mind set on an elective section. I have never really covered Matilda's birth with you - not because there's any great secret about it but I still find it incredibly hard to talk about and just get myself all upset. I had a meeting about my first birth very early on in this pregnancy and although I found it really hard, it was also very helpful that I was able to fill in all the gaps and find out what went wrong and why. Or as much as they could speculate. Having given it a tremendous amount of thought, I knew a section would be best for me this time, not least for my mental health but also to help me regain a sense of control back. I also have strong fears that the same will happen again to me and I feel like with a section, I can avoid some of the risk factors which contributed to what went wrong last time. I know recovery will be hard after a section but I'm really lucky that I have a good support network here in London, my mum will come and stay and Thor will be taking some holiday in addition to his paternity leave so we are all set. The only obstacle now is having the hospital agree to my request, which disappointingly isn't proving as easy as I hoped and we are now set to see a second consultant to go over everything again in order to make a decision about my case. I think the hospital feel a lot of the things which went wrong last time can be avoided this time around and they see no medical reason to perform a section (ie. breech baby, placenta praevia, previous section etc). What made me sad is that when someone has suffered a serious mental trauma, just because they don't look damaged on the outside doesn't mean they aren't. That said, it was not the outcome I had hoped for from our initial meeting but it hasn't changed my mind, I just need to keep everything crossed that my next appointment is more successful. I'd be interested to hear about your experience if you had a 'maternal request' c-section? Comment below or write to me on instagram! 

So that's where we are this time and that's been what's going on over the last months! This pregnancy has absolutely flown by, it feels like the quickest 7 months of my life! I don't think it's still fully sunk in that we will have another child, that I'll be the mother of two. I feel blessed beyond measure. 

What an essay! Hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing! 

Love, Lauren xxx